마지막 (The Last)

 

Produced by Agust D, June, Pdogg
Written by Agust D, June, Pdogg

Spotify | Apple Music

 

Background information: Han is a mix of sorrow, nostalgia, anger, pain, and hope. It’s the emotional journey and state of mind of someone who has been gravely wronged but is powerless (made powerless) in society to take revenge but decides eventually to cling to the hope of a better future when you overcome your Han. (credit: /u/lagamine86 of r/bangtan). I will not translate this particular word.

 

 

잘 나가는 아이돌 랩퍼 그 이면에
Behind a successful idol rapper

나약한 자신이 서 있어 조금 위험해
stands my weak self, a bit dangerous

우울증 강박 때때로 다시금 도져
Depression and compulsion sometimes flare up

hell no

어쩌면 그게 내 본 모습일 지도 몰라
Maybe that’s my true self

 

damn huh 현실의 괴리감
Damn huh feeling of separation from the reality

이상과의 갈등 아프네 머리가
Conflict with ideals My head hurts

대인기피증이 생겨 버린 게 18살쯤
It was when I was about 18 that my social phobia developed

그래 그때쯤 내 정신은 점점 오염 돼
Yeah it was about then that my mind became polluted more and more

 

가끔씩 나도 내가 무서워
Sometimes I’m afraid of myself

자기 혐오와 다시 놀러 와 버린 우울증 덕분에
Thanks to self-hatred and depression that came to play again

이미 민윤기는 죽었어 (내가 죽였어)
Min Yoongi has already died (I killed him)

죽은 열정과 남과 비교하는 게 나의 일상이 되 버린 지 오래
It’s been a long time since it became my daily life to compare my dead passion to others

 

정신과를 처음 간 날 부모님이 올라와 같이 상담을 받았지
On my first visit to a psychiatrist, my parents came to Seoul and had a consultation with me

부모님 왈 날 잘 몰라
My parents said they didn’t know me well

나 자신도 날 잘 몰라 그렇다면 누가 알까 (누가 알아)
I don’t know myself well either. Then who would know? (Who knows?)

친구? 아님 너? 그 누구도 날 잘 몰라
Friend? If not, you? Nobody knows me well

 

의사 선생님이 내게 물었어 (-beep- 한 적 있냐고)
The doctor asked me (Have you ever -beep-)

주저 없이 나는 말했어 그런 적 있다고
Without hesitation, I answered that I have

 

버릇처럼 하는 말
I say like a habit uh I don’t give a shit I don’t give a fuck

그딴 말들 전부다 uh 나약한 날 숨기려 하는 말
All those words uh are to hide my weak self

지우고픈 그때 그래 기억 조차 나지 않는 어느 공연하는 날
The time that I want to erase, yeah, it was on a day of some performance that I can’t even remember

사람들이 무서워 화장실에 숨어 버린 나를 마주 하던 나
I faced myself who got afraid of people and hid in the washroom

 

그때 난 그때 난
Back then I, back then I,

성공이 다 보상할 줄 알았지
thought that success would make it all worth it

근데 말야 근데 말야
But then, but then,

시간이 지날 수록 괴물이 되는 기분야
It feels like I’m becoming a monster as time passes

 

청춘과 맞바꾼 나의 성공이란 괴물은 더욱 큰 부를 원해
The monster, my success earned at the cost of my youth, wants greater wealth

무기였던 욕심이 되려 날 집어 삼키고 망치며 때론 목줄을 거네
The greed that used to be my weapon now swallows me, ruins me, and puts a leash around my neck

어떤 이들은 내 입을 틀어 막으며 선악과를 삼키라 해
Some people stop my mouth and ask me to swallow the forbidden fruit

I don’t want it

그들은 내가 이 동산에서 나가길 원하네
They want me to leave this garden

 

shit shit 알겠으니까 제발 그만해
Shit shit I get it so please stop

이 모든 일들의 근원은 나니까 나 스스로 그만둘게
The cause of all these problems is me, so let me quit by myself

내 불행이 니들의 행복이라면 기꺼이 불행 해줄게
If my misfortune is your happiness, I’ll gladly be unfortunate

증오의 대상이 나라면 기요틴에 올라서 줄게
If the target of your hatred is me, I will step onto the guillotine for you

 

상상만 하던 것이 현실이 돼
Things I had only imagined became reality

어릴 적 꿈이 내 눈앞에
My childhood dream is in front of my eyes

꼴랑 두 명 앞에 공연하던 조ㅈ밥
A little shit who used to perform in front of two people

이젠 도쿄돔이 내 코앞에
Now Tokyo dome is in front of my nose

한번 사는 인생 누구보다 화끈하게
I only live once, so I live harder than anyone

대충 사는 건 아무나 해
Living half-heartedly can be done by anyone

my fan my hommie my fam 걱정 말길 나 이젠 정말 괜찮아 damn
My fan, my hommie, my fam, don’t worry I’m really okay now damn

 

내 본질을 부정했던 게 수 차례
I denied my essence multiple times

내 주소는 아이돌 부정은 안 해
My address is idol, I don’t deny it

수 차례 정신을 파고들던 고뇌
The anguish that dug into my mind multiple times

방황의 끝 정답은 없었네
At the end of my wandering, there was no answer

팔아먹었다고 생각 했던 자존심이 이젠 나의 자긍심 돼
My pride that I thought I had sold now becomes my self-respect

내 fan들아 떳떳이 고개들길 누가 나만큼 해 uh
My fans, keep your head up proudly Who else would do as much as I do? uh

 

세이코에서 롤렉스 악스에서 체조
From Seiko to Rolex, from Ax (Hall) to Gymnastics (Arena)

내 손짓 한번에 끄덕거리는 수 만 명들의 고개
Tens of thousands nod to one hand gesture of mine

show me the money 못 한게 아니라 안 한 거라고 shit
‘show me the money’ It’s not that I couldn’t do it, I didn’t do it shit
Show Me the Money is a Korean rap competition TV show where contestants go through challenges and get eliminated until only one winner remains. Rappers from varying backgrounds and levels of reputation compete together, and some idol rappers were able to gain recognition from the general public through this show. 

우릴 팔아먹던 너넨 안 한 게 아니라 못 한 거라고 shit
Those who used to sell us out, it’s not that you didn’t do it, you couldn’t do it shit

내 창작의 뿌리는 한 세상 단맛 쓴맛 똥맛까지 다 봤지
The root of my creation is Han I have tasted the world’s sweetness, bitterness, and even shit

화장실 바닥에 잠을 청하던 그땐 이젠 내게 추억이네 uh 추억이 돼
The time when I tried to sleep on a bathroom floor is now a memory to me uh it became a memory

배달 알바 중 났던 사고 덕분에 시발 박살이 났던 어깨 부여잡고 했던 데뷔
I debuted holding onto my fucking crushed shoulder thanks to the accident on my part-time delivery job

너네가 누구 앞에서 고생한 척들을 해
In front of whom do you think you’re pretending you’ve gone through hardships

 

세이코에서 롤렉스 악스에서 체조
From Seiko to Rolex, from Ax (Hall) to Gymnastics (Arena)

내 손짓 한번에 끄덕거리는 수 만 명들의 고개
Tens of thousands nod to one hand gesture of mine

한이 낳은 나 uh 똑똑히 나를 봐 uh
I was born out of Han uh look at me right uh

우릴 팔아먹던 너넨 안 한 게 아니라 못 한 거라고 shit
Those who used to sell us out, it’s not that you didn’t do it, you couldn’t do it shit

 

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